Everything is great! So why am I worried and depressed?
“Objectively I know my life is good, but why do I always find something to complain about?”
“I finally got the promotion at work, so why am I feeling anxious about being able to do the work?”
“I felt so relieved when I got through finals! What’s with these depressive feelings?!”
These are common statements that we may all say at some time in our lives. Many of us think and feel these things, and then move on. For some, they become mired in them and can’t seem to let go of the thoughts and feelings and soon become overwhelmed: that’s when we try to help.
We do need to acknowledge some of these stressors are real. A promotion, finishing finals are big accomplishments that can lead anxiety about the next step, or a loss of purpose when finishing school. Usually these concerns are transitory and moving ahead, despite the anxiety and lower mood leads to the next step in life. However, for those who cannot, it’s more a reflection of the approach to life than the actual situation:
The issue isn’t the issue: the worry about it is.
When each feared event passes and is replaced by the next, this is indicative of a need to change the strategy when dealing with issues, rather than the issue in of itself. Strategies to address this include:
- Observing our own thoughts: are they realistic?
- Observing our emotional response: fear? Excitement? Both?
- Observing our physiological response: Racing heart? Inability to focus?
- Observing our behaviors: pacing? Yelling at loved ones? Self medicating?
By identifying our concerns, we can then decide if we need to address them or let them go. Rather than worrying about the test, do I need to study more or am I prepared and can therefore remind myself I’m ready, while acknowledging that I’m anxious (and it’s ok to be anxious – really!)?